The First Cut is the Deepest
by DinosXGoXRawr
Summary: "How do you know that she's the one for you if you've never been with anyone else?" "...I don't know..." Senior year. Bade, with slight hints of Bori. Some Cabbie.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! So that quote that I used for the summary is going to be in a later chapter. The full summary could possibly be something like this:**

**Summary: Senior year at Hollywood Arts. Beck and Jade are making plans for their future, but some things don't go the way they planned. Jade is holding a secret that no one, not even Beck, knows. But Beck might be hiding something as well...**

**Yes, this is a self-harm fiction. No, it is not exactly like all the others. I've only read a couple of fics like this, so I apologize if this resembles any of them too much. I thought this up and felt like I needed to write it. It's definitely not my best.**

**I wrote this and deleted it three times before I came up with this, but I'm still not satisfied. I've been promising my readers this for a while, though, and I think this is the best that I've written so far.**

**A note: I know that a lot of people like Tori and she's the main character in the show and all, but I really don't like her. At all. Main characters are always portrayed as too perfect for me. So I'm sorry if anything mean or terrible is said about her.**

**I'll stop now. That's a lot of stuff. Read and review. Constructive criticism is welcomed, as long as it makes sense. **

Jade stared at the envelope lying in front of her. This envelope had just come in her mailbox today from Juilliard in New York. She and Beck had both applied a couple of months ago, and the school was supposed to be replying with whether or not they got an audition. The answer was just inside this envelope.

"Ready to open them?" Beck was sitting on the opposite couch holding his envelope as well.

Jade shook her head. She didn't know if she could ever gather up the courage to open the letter. When she had applied, she felt that there was no way that she could be denied because, after all, she was the most talented girl in her grade. But now that the question about her future was about to be answered, she couldn't bring herself to believe that she was really good enough to make it. She suddenly felt like she didn't have any talent and all those years of working herself to death were worth nothing.

"I can't do it," she murmured. She shifted on the couch so that she was sitting cross-legged staring at her envelope, the first movement that she had made all night.

Beck watched her for a few seconds, but she was quiet. She was obviously not planning on moving or talking anytime soon. He sighed and climbed off the couch, crawling across the floor of his RV toward Jade, who was sitting on the opposite couch. "Jade, look at me." He raised her head up so that she was looking him in the eyes, and he took her hands in his. "We're going to open those envelopes, and we're both going to get auditions. We're going to New York, and we're going to blow their minds. They won't turn us down. I promise."

"But how can you be so sure?" Jade had never felt this unconfident. She had always held her head up high and walked with purpose, but now she felt like she was nothing. There was no way that that envelope could hold good news for her.

"Because they'd be stupid to turn you down." Beck smiled a little at her, and for a few seconds, she felt oddly comforted. It was rare that Jade and Beck ever had these sweet moments where they could just sit and be nice to each other. Most of the time, they were arguing about something and were too stubborn to back down. But right now, this was nice.

Jade felt her confidence pouring back into her, and she smirked. "They would be stupid if they turned me down. Damn it, I'm the best actress at Hollywood Arts. I'm going to be on Broadway in a few years."

Beck smiled widely and kissed her on the forehead. "See, that's what I thought. Now we're going to open them and read them, even though we know that we're both going to New York for that audition." He walked back over to the other couch and grabbed his envelope, ripping it open and pulling out the letter. "Are you ready?"

Jade ripped her envelope open as well, pulling out the letter and nodding. The RV was silent for the next few seconds as they both read their letters quietly. Finally, Beck let out a relieved breath and said, "I got an audition. What about you?"

Jade looked up at him with watery blue eyes, seeming like she was about to cry. She shook her head and dropped the envelope at her side. "No, I didn't get an audition."

Beck's smile fell, and he suddenly felt awful. He had promised her that she would get an audition. He had promised her the future that she had always dreamed of. And now it seemed like he had made an empty promise. How could they not accept Jade?

"Are you…are you serious?" he asked, throwing his letter down and taking slow steps toward her. He knew that at times like this when she didn't get her way, she typically threw things and hit him.

Jade got up from the couch and walked toward him, closing the space between them. He was only inches away from her. He looked nervous, and he started to back away from her. The smallest of smiles formed on her lips as she shook her head. "Of course I'm not serious. I have an audition. But I had you believing me, right?" She paused, but didn't give him time to answer. "That's because I'm the best actress at Hollywood Arts. And I'm going to be the very first person they accept into their school this year."

Beck smiled a little as he pulled her into a hug. He was about to say something, but she shoved him away and punched him in the shoulder. Instead of expressing his excitement, he let out a string of cuss words and glared at her. "What the hell was that for?"

Jade rolled her eyes. "Don't hug me. What made you turn into such a pansy?"

At first, Beck thought that she had completely lost her mind, but as the pain in his shoulder subsided, he laughed. "I'm so sorry that you don't like hugs and you have a black soul." He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her in for a kiss, and just as she started trying to take his shirt off, he pulled away from her and began to sing. "I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it."

Jade's eyes widened as she watched him. He was starting to dance now, and she really wasn't sure if this was a hidden enjoyment of his or if he was just trying to annoy her. "Beck, stop it. That's embarrassing. How do you even know the words to that song?"

Beck danced over to where she was and attempted to twirl her, but she threw his hand off of her and crossed her arms, looking utterly disgusted with him. "I'm about to lose control and I think I like it," he continued to sing.

"You disgust me."

"I'm so excited! And I just can't hide it!"

"Do you have a hidden love for annoying music?"

Beck stopped for a second to look at her. She was obviously annoyed. That only meant that he was doing what he intended to do in the first place. "But I have a right to be excited, you see because we're going to…" A small grin formed on his face, and that couldn't be a good sign. "Neeeeeeeeeeew Yooooooooooork! Concrete jungle where dreams are made of. There's nothing you can't do-"

"I'm leaving you." With the most serious look on her face, Jade grabbed her purse and headed for the door.

Beck, however, intercepted. "Nooooooooooooo! You're not leaving. Because despite my terrible singing and dancing skills, you love me."

Jade glared at him for several seconds, but then she sighed and sat back down on the couch. "Fine. But if you're going to sing anything, at least make it a good song."

Jade fell asleep to his singing that night, and it honestly wasn't that bad. Her dreams were invaded with spotlights and stages and millions of people screaming her name. She could just visualize that audition in New York, and in just a few more years, she would be the biggest name on Broadway. And hey, if she wanted to dream really big, maybe she would be the world's most famous movie star. Oh, yes. She couldn't wait.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! Thanks so much for the reviews! They really mean a lot to me. I don't know how I feel about this chapter, but I guess I'll post it anyway. Like I said, this is not the best fanfiction I've ever written. This chapter is kind of angsty. Some chapters are gonna be like this, and others are gonna be kind of lighter and happier, depending on what mood I'm in when I write it. I have a Cat/Robbie fic too, if anyone's interested in that. **

**peaceluvvictorious- Thanks! That would be awesome! I've never been to New York myself, but I would love to go sometime soon. I appreciate your offer, because I'll most definitely need lots of help! (:**

Jade had been asked so many times in the past two years why she hated Tori Vega so much, but she could never completely answer the question. She always replied with a simple, "I have my reasons," but even after people stopped wondering, she asked herself the same question. Why did she hate Tori Vega so much?

One reason was fairly obvious. As soon as Tori walked into the door of improvisation class, she started flirting with Beck. And then the fact that she kissed him right in front of Jade was another reason. But there was so much more to it than that. It might have been because Tori was just too damn perfect. She got everything she wanted whenever she wanted it, and she lived in an almost perfect family. Jade had to go home to her mom's drunken boyfriend every night, and Tori got to go home to a smiling mother and father and a nice home-cooked meal on the table. Every boy at Hollywood Arts looked her way, longing for her to look at them and fall in love with them. She was just so pretty and skinny and_ perfect_. And because every other guy was looking at her, Jade wondered how soon it would be when Beck left her for princess Tori.

And even worse, Tori was incredibly talented. She didn't even have to work at it; it just came naturally to her. Jade had been acting and singing and playing instruments and dancing and doing every other fine art in the world since she was only a child. And when she walked into Hollywood Arts, she stole the stage. She was by far the most talented girl at the school, and everyone was intimidated by her. But then Tori came, and nobody seemed too interested in Jade anymore. Not even Beck.

So maybe the reason that she hated Tori so much was because she was so incredibly jealous of her. But she wouldn't dare admit it.

Tori's perfection seemed to follow her like a raincloud, because as soon as Jade sat down with Beck at the lunch table the next day, Tori exclaimed, "I got the lead part in the school play!"

Jade almost wanted to stab Tori's hand with her fork, but she held her anger back. She had tried out for that part, and once again, the queen bee beat her. It was tiring, really.

"Jade and I applied to Juilliard, and we both got auditions," Beck said in a casual tone, changing the subject for Jade's sake. "We'll be going to New York over Christmas holidays."

Tori looked like she was about to explode from excitement about something. She was biting her lip, trying to hold it back, but she couldn't. "Andre and I applied too, and we have auditions! We could all go up there together! Wouldn't it be so great if we all got accepted?"

"Yeah, you always hear about people never talking to each other after graduating high school, but we could all go to the same college and see each other every day," Andre said, smiling widely. "Wouldn't that be great?"

Jade dropped her fork and stared at the two of them as they chattered on about how excited they were about attending such a prestigious school. She didn't mind Andre applying at all, but why was it that Tori had to? It seemed like no matter what Jade did, Tori had to do it too. And she always did it better.

"Robbie and I are staying in Los Angeles," Cat said, nodding happily as she sipped her water, and Robbie smiled from beside her. "I'm not even planning on going to college, but Robbie is. And then we'll start out auditioning for movies."

That was freakin' lovely. Jade's best friend wasn't even going to be in New York with her. She had to put up with this crap all by herself.

"Oh, but we would love to go visit with you," Cat continued, grinning even wider if it was possible. "We have to make sure the school is safe enough for our best friends." She pinched Tori's cheek like a grandma would her granddaughter, and she giggled.

Tori scooted away from her and placed a hand on her cheek, grimacing and rolling her eyes. "So what's the plan? You guys getting an apartment together in the city?" she asked, turning her attention to Beck and Jade again.

"That's the plan," Beck replied, throwing his arm around Jade's shoulders and pulling her closer to his side. "If we can find something that we can afford. The school's already ridiculously expensive."

Tori nodded. "Right. Well, what's plan B?" When neither Beck nor Jade answered her, she continued. "You know, in case one of you doesn't get into the school?" She looked directly at Jade as she spoke.

Jade couldn't hold back anything anymore. "Why the hell are you looking at me? You think I won't get accepted or something? Just because you got that stupid part in that stupid play doesn't make you any more talented than me." She planned on making a dramatic exit, because that was just what the actress in her would do, but she stopped when Beck grabbed her arm and held her down.

Tori had the most hideous look on her face. It was like she knew that she had done something wrong, but she wouldn't dare admit it because that would mean that she had a flaw. She was stuck between words, and she looked almost hurt by Jade's outburst. But it was all fake. "I wasn't even looking at you, Jade…" she murmured, looking thoroughly embarrassed about being yelled at, not that it was anything new.

"Just calm down, okay?" Beck whispered to Jade, kissing her on the cheek to reassure her. "She didn't mean anything by it."

That was another thing that she absolutely despised. Every time that she and Tori got into an argument about something, Beck always spoke in favor of Tori. Never, not once, had he ever stood up for her since Tori came along. She was growing incredibly exhausted by all of it.

"Calm down?" she said through gritted teeth. She could feel everyone at the table watching her, but she didn't care. "Beck, this is all so stupid. We were all fine until _she_ came along. Ugh, I cannot _wait _to get out of here." A tugging sensation in the pit of her stomach told her that it was time for that dramatic exit, so she grabbed her cup of coffee and stormed off, leaving all of them questioning her. It didn't take an idiot to figure out that all of them were talking about how bitchy she was.

She didn't know where she was going as she walked into the school, but she knew that it had to be somewhere that no one would find her. Beck knew all of her hiding places when she got upset, so it was time for a new one. She hadn't gone to the janitor's closet on the second floor before. So that's where she went.

As she ascended the stairs, she looked around to make sure that no one else was around, and before she knew it, she burst into tears. To other people, she might be acting irrational, but it was completely normal to her. She hated to cry, because it only proved that she was weak, but sometimes, she couldn't really help it. Whenever she and Beck got into a huge fight that lasted for days, she cried. Whenever she had to take care of her alcoholic mother and nothing ever got any better, she cried. And whenever her insane jealousy kicked in, she cried. She never felt like she was good enough for anything.

She spied Sinjin at the end of the hallway creeping around, and she picked up her pace. No one needed to see her in her weak state. She finally reached the janitor's closet, and she slammed the door shut behind her, locking it quickly. She pressed her back against the door and slid down to the floor, hiding her face in her hands and continuing to cry.

Honestly, she didn't even know why she was crying. It wasn't a big deal. So Tori thought that she wasn't going to get accepted. That was just one person, and that one person's opinion didn't even matter. Maybe that wasn't exactly the problem. Maybe those words were all she needed to hear to make her completely come undone. She doubted herself more and more every day as graduation inched closer, and she was starting to get stressed out, and she was afraid of losing more parts to Tori in the future, and she was worrying that Beck would eventually grow tired of her. These problems haunted her almost every day, and she was tired of dealing with it. If only she could just find some sort of release from her pain…even if it was only temporary…

She was snapped out of her thoughts when she heard a knock on the door. She looked up and saw the doorknob jiggle, and reluctantly, she unlocked it and opened the door. She knew who it was without even looking.

"What was that?" Beck asked as he sat down next to her on the floor. "I mean, you weren't mad or anything until lunch, and-" He paused as he observed his girlfriend, sitting next to him with her knees tucked tightly underneath her chin. "Have you been crying?"

Beck had never seen her cry before. He had walked in on her several times after she had stopped crying, and he was glad that he had done so again. It would probably scare him if he actually saw her crying. She was so strong and brave…

"No," Jade spat out, although Beck knew it was a lie. "Why does it matter?"

Beck sighed and looked down at the floor. "It matters because I don't want you getting hurt. I know that you're perfectly capable of standing up for yourself, but I still feel like I need to protect you."

Jade rolled her eyes and stretched her legs out, refusing to look in his direction. She was just as mad at him as she was at Tori. "That's interesting, because if you felt like you needed to protect me, you would stand up for me instead of Tori all the time."

"I don't stand up for Tori all the time."

Jade gasped and searched for something close by that she could hit him with, but she couldn't find anything, so she slapped him in the arm as hard as she could. He was used to it, and it didn't seem to affect him. "That is a lie! Ever since she came to this school, you've taken up for her and completely forgotten about me! Do you even care about me anymore?" Her whole body was quivering, and she knew that more tears were about to come out. She fought them back as best she could.

"Why would you ask me something like that?" Beck said, his voice starting to shake. It wasn't out of uncertainty. He was afraid that Jade was about to start crying, and it would be all his fault. "Of course I care about you. Jade, I…" He was lost for words as he looked at her pale, porcelain face that was stained with black eyeliner. Was that his fault? "I love you…so, so much. And I'm not just saying that. Those aren't empty words. I want to be with you forever."

He paused to see if she was going to say anything, but she still wouldn't even look up at him. "I'm sorry if you feel like I take up for Tori and ignore you. I don't mean to upset you, and I never even realized that it sounded like I was standing up for her. You know that no matter how wrong you are, I'm always on your side."

There was a long pause. When Jade finally looked up at him, her eyes were no longer soft and vulnerable, but they were back to their normal cold, icy blue. "Is that an apology?" She had this habit of raising her one eyebrow when she was questioning him, and it freaked him out. He didn't even understand how she could do that.

But without hesitation, he nodded, hoping that that would be enough for her. He watched her carefully, mentally preparing himself for whatever terrible thing was about to slip out of her mouth. However, nothing particularly nasty came out. Instead, she slid her hand into his and said, "Don't let it happen again."

He assumed that she had forgiven him. And that was good enough.

…..

This was supposed to help her. This was supposed to relieve stress and get her through the day. She planned on making a mark every time she felt worthless or like she wasn't good enough. But with the pain shooting up her arm right now, she didn't think she was ever going to do it again.

As soon as Jade had gotten home from school that day, she had searched through the house and found a sharp razor. She had gone up to her bathroom and locked herself in, debating on whether or not she should do anything with that razor. After much consideration, she had slit her wrist, and now she was watching as a long river of crimson gushed down her arm and into the porcelain sink.

As sickening as it was, she was starting to feel better as she watched blood drip from her fingertips and slide into the drain. She actually didn't mind watching it.

A thought struck her suddenly as soon as she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket: Beck. What was Beck going to do when he found out what she had done? It was just one cut…he didn't have to know anything. She wouldn't tell him anything. It could be her little secret…


	3. Chapter 3

**Oh. My. Gosh. So, I've just got to get my excitement out right now. I'm going to meet Avan and Liz in thirteen days! I almost cried I was so happy. But I've calmed down a considerable amount since I first found out. Still freaking out a little inside, though. **

**So, I know it's been a long time since I've posted. I have no excuse for this. I was just too lazy to continue writing. But now I've got this. BIG NOTE: If this sounds familiar to anyone, I DID NOT copy this idea from anyone. This chapter is kind of like one of the chapters that I posted on here a month or so ago and took down. So...yeah.**

**Well, I hope I didn't disappoint. Leave a review. (:**

There were two things that always calmed Jade down when she was upset. Most of the time, she found comfort in visiting the Black Box Theatre. Just sitting on the stage and letting the spotlight hit her made her feel perfectly fine. Occasionally, she would recite a monologue from one of the many plays that she had starred in, letting the words roll off her tongue as if she'd just performed them yesterday. Sometimes, she would take Beck with her, and he would act out scenes with her. That always seemed to clear her mind.

But the Black Box Theatre was now being occupied by the cast of the new play, which included Tori. So she rushed to her second comfort zone, which was the dance studio at Hollywood Arts. She had been dancing since the age of four, although she wouldn't dare tell anyone that. The only people that knew were her parents and Beck. No one else was allowed to know, because it just didn't seem like something she would do. People would probably be less intimidated by her if they knew she was a dancer, and she couldn't let that happen. Intimidation was how she made her way to the top.

She had told herself that she wasn't going to make anymore cuts on her skin, but over the past week, she had found that it was almost like an obsession. Every single time anything went wrong and she didn't want to talk about it, she would find some sharp object and slice into her skin. She of course had to wear long sleeves to cover it up, but that didn't look unusual to anyone because she typically wore long sleeves anyway. She tried her hardest to act the way she normally did, and so far, she had succeeded. No one had seen past her act, not even Beck, who was supposed to know her better than anyone else.

When she had finished her stretches, she looked in one of the many mirrors surrounding the studio just to study herself. She saw the face of a liar staring back at her. She was overcome with guilt at not talking to Beck about her problems, because a while back she had promised that she would not keep anymore secrets from him. They were going to be completely open with each other from now on. But she couldn't bring herself to tell him all of these things that were racing through her mind. They had discussed each of them too many times to count, and she felt like none of them needed to be talked about any further.

As she started to raise her sleeve up to look at her cuts, she heard someone behind her, and she looked in the mirror to see that Beck had walked in. She lowered her sleeve carefully and hoped that he hadn't seen anything.

"Are you busy?" he asked as he walked toward her.

Jade rolled her eyes. "Does it look like I'm busy? I'm just standing here."

Beck returned the eye roll and ran a hand through his hair. "Cat wanted to come with me, but I wouldn't let her. I had to convince her that there were unicorns in the parking lot."

"And she believed you?" Jade asked. She was still looking in the mirror, still staring at her hideous reflection that was gazing right back at her.

"Yeah, I think she'll pretty much believe anything anyone tells her," Beck said with a small laugh.

For a long time, they just stood there in silence, only making eye contact through their reflections in the mirror. Finally, Jade turned around to face him, and she had a look on her face that clearly said that she meant business. "Beck, what's one thing you just really hate about me?"

Beck stared at her like she was insane. Why was she asking him this? They had never gotten on this subject before. "Uh...I don't know. Won't that just cause problems?" He wasn't in the mood for a fight right now.

Jade sighed and rolled her eyes once again. "No, Beck. I promise I won't get mad at you or anything. I'm just curious." She made a mental note not to go slicing up her skin some more after this was all over. She seriously wanted to know what was so wrong with her.

Beck looked down at the floor, then up at his reflection, and then back at her. She sat down on the floor and was staring up at him with those intense, icy blue eyes that he always got lost in. He followed her lead and sat down across from her, knowing that this conversation wasn't going to be quick or easy. "Just one thing that I really hate?"

Jade raised her one eyebrow, which really freaked him out, and her eyes seemed to become more intense. "Is there more than one thing?"

He shook his head quickly, not making eye contact with her. Was it bad that he was still afraid of her sometimes? "Of course not. Um...one thing that I really hate..." He had to think about that. It was kind of hard to figure out something that wouldn't make her too upset. "Uh…your bitchy attitude." It had slipped out before he could think, and now he knew that he was going to be in some serious trouble. "

She didn't speak immediately. She sat and stared at the floor, like she was contemplating something. And then she looked up at him again. "What bitchy attitude?" Had she seriously not noticed what a terrible person she was? "Why would you tell me that?"

"Because you do have a terrible attitude," Beck told her, bracing himself for a punch or a kick that was sure to come. "The way you act towards certain people is unnecessary sometimes. I just think you should stop preying on innocent people."

Jade bit her lip and looked as if she wanted to say something to him, but then she put on a fake smile which slowly turned malicious. "Alright, my turn."

"What?" Beck asked. He had never agreed to this. He didn't want to know what she hated about him. He didn't even know there was anything she hated about him.

"I hate how you're always correcting me and telling me that I'm immature. It gets really annoying, you know."

"When do I ever correct you?" Beck said, almost as angry as she was when he stated her flaw. But even as he spoke the words, he knew that he did indeed correct her all the time, and he could understand that it could get irritating.

"All the time."

"Well, I wouldn't have to correct you if you weren't so immature."

"I wouldn't have to be a bitch if people weren't so stupid."

It was a rare occasion when Beck got incredibly mad, and right now, he was borderline pissed. He knew this was going to be a bad idea even before they had started. When he walked in, he just wanted to ask her if she was ready to go home, but now they were still here and they were arguing. He should have known that a seemingly good day was going to end like this.

"Not everybody's stupid. You just act irrational toward them," he said. Words were pouring out before he could stop them. "For example, the way you treat Tori-"

"I don't need to be told how I treat her." Jade's icy cold glare had come back, but instead of sounding angry, she just sounded upset. "The only reason I hate her is because…" She trailed off. Why did she hate Tori? There were a hundred reasons that she could name off, but the main one was that she was just too _perfect_. She wasn't going to say that out loud, though.

"Jealousy?" Beck asked, and that's when he realized he had made a huge mistake. "I'm sorry, I-"

Jade shook her head. She didn't seem mad, but he knew there was a fire burning inside of her. "No, it's fine. Maybe I am jealous. But how would you feel if you saw some guy making out with me in front of the entire class?"

Beck rolled his eyes. It had been almost two years since Tori first came to the school and that certain event had happened. Why was it still being brought up? "I would be mad, okay? But that was acting, Jade."

"That wasn't acting, Beck," Jade scoffed. "It was revenge. And I mean, what kind of idiot would even dare try to take revenge on me? Because I'll do the same." She was silent for a second as she stared at the room, obviously trying to calm herself down before she spoke again. "Okay, so if you were in the same situation. Think of it in the perspective that I'm thinking of it in. Imagine that a new guy comes to the school, and you piss him off and he tries to get back at you by making out with me. How would you feel?"

"Well, guys typically don't handle things that way-"

"JUST PICTURE IT."

Beck thought about it for a second. He had always seen the whole situation as acting. He had never even thought about it the way Jade had. He kind of felt bad now… "Well, I guess I would be pretty mad-"

"Okay, then. Maybe I hate her because I don't trust her."

They were staring at each other again, not speaking or moving. The whole room was silent, and then Beck sighed. "Not that this isn't fun or anything, but they're about to lock up, and I need to go get started on homework. You wanna come over?"

"Wait," Jade said, scooting in closer to him and grabbing his arm before he could get up. "We said one bad thing, and now we have to come up with one good thing. You first."

Beck frowned. One good thing about Jade? That was a really tough question. He had never really asked himself why he loved her; he only knew that he did love her, for some reason. He was being too hesitant, and he could feel her glaring at him again. He refused to look at her. She was going to kill him.

"Um…you have…pretty eyes?" he said. Oh, God. He had panicked. That was the most cliché, tacky thing that he could have said. "Wait, wait. I can come up with something else-"

"My turn," Jade said, smirking. She didn't seem affected by the comment, but she really thought that he was going to say something else. She bit her lip and examined him for a second, and as she opened her mouth to speak, he cut her off.

"Don't say my abs."

She rolled her eyes. "Fine. Your hair."

They were completely shallow. After the almost three years that they had been dating, they couldn't even come up with a legitimate reason for why they loved each other. But as Beck started to say something else that he loved about her, someone ran into the room and completely ruined the moment.

"I'm sorry," Cat said, realizing that she had indeed interrupted something. "I've been looking for you guys everywhere. Tori told me to come looking for you guys. Her read-through is done, and she wanted to know if you wanted to come with us to get something to eat."

"Tell her no," Jade answered immediately. She got up off the floor, grabbed her bag, and began packing up to leave. She didn't even ask Beck's opinion on the matter. After all, she was the one that made most of the decisions in the relationship.

"You wanna go, Beck?" Cat asked, not very affected by Jade's abrupt answer.

Jade turned around to look at him, trying to look neutral about his decision. She tried to tell herself that she didn't care whether he went out without her or not, but she knew that she did care.

Beck glanced at her for a second, and then he looked back at Cat. He was kind of hungry, but he didn't want to go anywhere without Jade. It just wouldn't feel right leaving her at home by herself. "I think I'm gonna hang out with Jade tonight," he said.

"KK!" Cat exclaimed before darting out of the room.

Jade tried not to smile, but it was really hard to hide. For once, Beck had chosen her over Tori.


	4. Chapter 4

**Um...I want to apologize for this. First of all, it took me a really long time to update. And then...well, this resulted. I'm not proud of it at all. I promise that the next chapter will be better.**

**For everyone that was wondering, the stars of Victorious and iCarly are having a charity event for St. Jude in Memphis, as mentioned on Twitter. I bought tickets to it, because all the money goes to charity. And I'm only like, an hour or so away from Memphis. **

**But anyway...I hope no one is too disappointed with this chapter. I PROMISE the next will definitely be better. Leave a review, tell me what you want to happen. Because I'm totally clueless about what comes next.**

Jade found out during the course of the next week that she had indeed gotten a part in the school play. She just didn't have lines, and she stood in the background the whole time. Just a stupid background dancer. And she was required to attend all rehearsals that involved working on choreography. She wasn't happy about it, but she went anyway. Just another thing to put on her résumé.

Standing in the background was _boring_, andshe found herself watching as Tori stood in the center of the stage, soaking up all that wonderful spotlight and reciting her lines almost perfectly. Jade had to tell herself that she could do better, if only they would have given her a chance.

But there was that little voice in the back of her head telling her otherwise. _She's so much better than you. Why else would she have gotten the part? She could have gotten the boy, if she wanted him. What makes you think you're as good as she is? You're not._

What made Tori so special? What made everyone love her and practically fall at her feet and worship her? As far as Jade could tell, there was nothing so special about her. She wasn't an extraordinarily good actress, and her singing was sometimes a bit off, and she had the most annoying personality in the world, and…

She was perfect. Absolutely perfect. And Jade wasn't. Not even close. And she never would be. But she could at least try, right? She could try to be a little more perfect and a little less…herself. Maybe if she was perfect, people would love her too. But maybe she didn't want people to love her. She wanted them to be intimidated by her. She wanted them to be afraid to look her in the eye and be afraid to cross her path. That's what she had always wanted. It always meant that she was on top, and no one could ever bring her back down to the bottom.

But that stupid voice in the back of her head was telling her differently. If that's what she really wanted, she wouldn't be so damn jealous of Tori in all her glory and perfection. She would try to fight back that she wasn't jealous, but she knew that was a lie. She _was_ jealous.

"Alright, everyone, that was great!" the director exclaimed, clapping his hands loudly and snapping Jade out of her thoughts. "I'll see you all tomorrow right after school."

Jade frowned. Rehearsal was over? They had only been there for two hours. "Um…I don't understand," she said, trying to keep her voice level. She was working on getting rid of her anger issues. "I didn't do anything today. I just stood there."

"Right, sorry about that." He didn't have any sympathy in his voice whatsoever. "We'll get to you tomorrow. It's just that Tori is really doing great, and we actually got a lot more covered today than planned. She's great, right?"

Jade once again had to hold back all of the terrible words that were popping into her mind at the moment. "Of course she is. She's so damn _wonderful_," she said through gritted teeth. And before the director could comment, she walked to the back of the theatre where Beck was waiting for her.

"Ready to go?" he asked cautiously. He knew that she was mad about something. Even when no one else could tell, he knew.

Jade glanced behind her just for a second, and she spotted Tori in the middle of a crowd of people. She was laughing and flipping her hair in that way that made her seem like a total slut. It was one of the many things that Jade hated about her.

"Yeah, I'm ready," she said. "Just get me out of here."

….

The road to perfection was a tough and bumpy one, especially since Jade started to perfect herself by becoming skinnier. She already had the body of a model, but when she looked at the way that other girls looked, she felt a little bigger than them. Especially Tori. Tori was the perfect size.

Early the next day, Jade woke up extra early and went out for a jog. It would help her lose weight and help clear her mind. She didn't know why all of a sudden she was overtaken with jealousy. Maybe it was because now was the only time that it counted. College recruiters and all kinds of other people were coming to see that stupid play, and they would see _Torithestar_, not Jade in the background. She was not going to get anywhere in life if she was stuck in the background the whole time.

Beck later showed up to pick her up for school. She really didn't feel like going to school or even moving for the rest of the day. She was going through a terrible depression stage, it seemed, and she would probably be put on some sort of medication if it continued. She still had to act like nothing was wrong, and so far, not even Beck caught on. That's how she knew she was an _excellent_ actress.

Two cuts on her left arm before school for not being skinny or pretty enough…

"Are you feeling okay?" Beck asked as soon as she got into his car. "You seem different."

Oh, God. He was going to find out. What was she supposed to do? Her brain was whirring, and her whole body started to go into panic mode. What could she tell him? If she said anything now, it would sound shaky and uncertain. No, words wouldn't help her out right now. She was stuck. The only thing that she could think of to do was to kiss him. And that's what she did. She pressed her lips against his, and at first he seemed taken aback. Then he returned the kiss, deepening it as he pulled her closer to him. After three years of dating, he could still make her heart skip a beat every time he kissed her.

When he pulled away from her, he still had his arms tightly wrapped around her waist, his forehead resting on hers. "I love you," he whispered against her skin.

And now it was time to act herself again. Jade smirked and shoved him away from her. "Stop trying to be cute and drive. And turn on the radio."

Beck frowned, and his dark brown eyes narrowed into a glare. "The radio's right there. Turn it on."

Jade rolled her eyes and turned the radio on, and as soon as it came on, a loud, nasally voice came blaring out from the speakers. "Hit me baby one more time!"

Jade turned to look at Beck, raising her eyebrow in questioning. "What the hell? Britney Spears?"

Beck didn't even look embarrassed. "What I listen to in my own time is my business."

Jade groaned and turned the radio off, and the rest of the ride to school was silent.

….

Jade felt completely disgusted at lunch. Everyone around her was sitting there eating pizza or some other greasy, fattening food, and she was eating a salad. She was more than tempted to grab fries out of Beck's lunch, but she decided against it. She was trying to lose weight. Eating fries wouldn't help that. So she continued eating her salad, but she watched as everyone else ate their delightfully disgusting meals.

"So I've been preparing my monologue for Juilliard," Beck said, to get Cat to shut up about not being able to find unicorns in the parking lot. "I think I might use Hamlet's soliloquy. You think I should do something else?"

"That sounds awesome!" Tori exclaimed, smiling widely. "I'm not sure what I'm doing yet. What about you, Jade?"

Jade looked up from her salad and frowned. "Probably a monologue from _The Comedy of Errors_. Adriana's monologue, probably. Doing a Shakespeare monologue shows just how much talent you have, because not a lot of people can actually pull off Shakespeare."

Tori nodded and tilted her head to the side as if in deep thought. "I might do a Shakespeare monologue too, then."

Of course she would.

Jade suddenly didn't want her lunch anymore. She felt like she was going to snap again, but she fought it back. Why did she tell Tori what she would be doing? She knew Tori was only going to do the same.

Those thoughts were pushed aside and replaced by a whole new set of worries. She was on the road to perfection. She was going to lose weight before her big audition, and she was going to look beautiful. And then she asked herself, what would a professional actress do if she was in the same situation? She would probably get rid of the food before it could get settled in. And if that's what the professionals did, then that's what she was going to do.

"I need to do something. I'll see you next period," Jade said to Beck, and she got up and headed into the school building.

…

Jade didn't understand how professional actresses and models could put up with making themselves throw up every day. It was a horrible feeling. The terrible gagging and retching noises, the smell, the acidic feeling she got in her throat…it was all too much. She promised herself that she was never going to do it again. It was stupid to do it just because everyone else was doing and she thought it would make her feel better. She actually felt worse now than she did to begin with.

As she sat on the cold bathroom floor and leaned her head against the wall separating the stalls, she sighed. The door creaked open a few seconds later, and she didn't even have to look to see who it was. The familiar click-clacking sound of Cat's high heels gave her away.

"Whatcha doing, Jade?" she asked, walking over to where Jade was sitting cautiously. "We were wondering where you went."

"Oh, I just didn't feel good," Jade said, which wasn't a total lie. She couldn't tell Cat what had really happened. Cat was so naïve and fragile. She would get worried. "I'm fine, really." She got up off the floor and walked to the sink, where she could look at herself in the mirror. She still looked the same, but she didn't really expect a change. "Listen, Cat, don't ever let anyone tell you that you're fat or anything like that. Don't get pressured to be like, perfect or anything." She wished that someone would have been there to tell her the same thing. She wouldn't have listened, but it still would have been nice for someone to warn her.

When Cat didn't reply, she looked over at her. Cat was staring at her like she was a monster or something, a very un-Cat-like thing to do. "You're not fat, Jade," she said, shaking her head. "And I'm not stupid. You were in here throwing up."

Jade cocked her head to the side and frowned. She should have known that Cat wasn't really as stupid as she acted. "Yeah, I know. It was really stupid to do. I won't do it again. Just don't tell Beck, okay?"

Cat returned the frown and nodded. "Sure. I won't say anything to him." With that, she turned and ran out the door, her heels click-clacking all the way out.

Jade pushed her hair back from her face and drank some water to get the awful taste out of her mouth. She knew that the bell was going to ring any minute now, and she wanted to reapply her eyeliner, but then she started to think about how fast Cat had darted out the door. She was going rather quickly for such a small girl in such big heels…and then she knew what was going on. Cat was going to tell Beck. Without a second thought, Jade ran out the bathroom as fast as she could. She had to find Beck first…

That didn't happen. As soon as she rushed out into the hallway, Beck was standing there looking at her, with Cat standing just a few feet from him. "_Cat_," Jade seethed, beginning to walk toward her, but Beck stopped her.

"You made yourself throw up?" he asked quietly so that no one in the hallway would hear them.

Jade hated to admit it, but the way that he was looking at her made her want to tell the truth. "Yeah, but it was just that one time. And I won't do it ever again, I swear. It was a really stupid thing to do."

Beck looked almost emotionless. He didn't look upset or angry, just kind of blank. His eyes focused on something that was behind her for just a second, and then he looked back at her. "Why did you do it?"

Jade rolled her eyes and shook her head. "The same reason everyone else does it. I wanted to be pretty and skinny."

Beck stared at her for a second, and then he grinned. "I don't why you would do anything like that, because I think you're perfect just the way you are. You're the most beautiful girl in the world. And I don't care if that does sound really cliché."

Jade let out a breath of relief and smiled just a little. At least he wasn't mad. "I don't care if it sounds cliché either."

The bell suddenly rang loudly, and everyone in the hallway started moving toward their classes. Jade started to walk away, but Beck grabbed her arm gently and pulled her back. "Do I need to sing the song?" he asked.

She rolled her eyes and jerked her arm away from him. "No, leave me alone."

"When I see your face-"

"Beck, don't do it."

"There's not a thing that I would change-"

"I will do horrible things to you if you continue."

"Cuz you're amazing…just the way you are."

Jade rolled her eyes. "Shut up." She flipped him off, and he smiled at her as she walked away.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey, guys. I know this took like, a week ot update, and I'm sorry. I really don't mean to take this long. But I honestly am starting to think that I don't really like the plot to this story. I've had writer's block on this for every single chapter. I mean, it's kind of like an idea popped into my head and I wrote it, and there's nothing to back it up now. I'll try to come up with the next chapter as best I can, but if I can't, I'm sorry. I just don't feel like this is any of my best work. I do have an idea for another Beck/Jade fic, but I don't know if I'm going to post it or not. It's going to be based on the song "Holly, I'm the One" by Son of Dork. It's a pretty good song, and it might make an interesting storyline. Just tell me what you guys think of this chapter, and if you don't like, please tell me. Thanks. (:**

"-My blood is mingled with the crime of lust: For if we two be one and thou play false, I do digest the poison of thy flesh, being strumpeted by thy contagion. Keep then fair league and truce with thy true bed; I live unstain'd, though undishonored." Jade took a breath and paused a little too dramatically. "Aaaaaand, scene."

Beck clapped lightly for her and scooted over so that she could rejoin him on the couch. "It's good. You know, people always tell me that comedies are a little harder to do than tragedies, especially Shakespeare comedies. If you can do that, you're getting into Juilliard for sure."

"I know I will," she replied strongly, although inside she was questioning herself. So many people auditioned for this school every year…how was she supposed to make herself stand out among all of those people? She had to take her mind off of it. "So what do you wanna do now?" She looked up at him and fluttered her eyelashes a little bit. She knew what_ she_ wanted to do, but he probably didn't want to.

"Jade, really?" Beck groaned and leaned back on the couch. "I'm not in the mood. Although it seems like you're _always_ in the mood. You know, people always say it's the guy that's obsessed with sex, but it's really not-"

"Shut up," Jade said as she grabbed his shirt and pulled him in for a kiss. "Are you in the mood now?"

But Beck didn't answer. He tackled her onto the couch and pressed his mouth against hers, his hands tangling in her dark hair. She started to unbutton his shirt, and his hands found their way underneath her shirt and roaming around her chest and stomach. She started to unhook her bra to save him the trouble, but just as she did, the doorbell rang loudly. It startled her, and she ended up kneeing Beck in the stomach, which sent him toppling to the floor.

"Who the hell is that?" she asked. But Beck only groaned and rubbed his stomach where her sharp knee surely left a bruise. "Stop being lazy and go answer the door."

Beck looked up at her, an angry glare in his eyes, and said, "Oh, alright. I'll just get up and act like you _didn't _just damage my kidney."

"Drop the attitude, Beckett."

"Nah, I'm good." He got up from the floor and walked over to the door just as another bell chimed. He threw open the door and saw Tori standing outside smiling up at him. "Oh, hey, come in."

"Thanks," Tori replied as she stepped inside and spotted Jade on the couch. She frowned. "Hey, Jade. I didn't know you were here."

Jade looked up, and her eyes immediately narrowed into a look of hatred. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at play rehearsal or something?" She shouldn't have mentioned the stupid play. Every time she did, she always felt a sharp pain in her chest, and thoughts started to go through her head about how terrible her acting skills were.

Tori shook her head and sat on the opposite couch. She was very cautious of being around Jade, because even though they had known each other for more than two years now, there was still a strong sense of hatred there. "We don't have rehearsal tonight. The director said that we're three days ahead of schedule and we can take a break tonight."

Jade sighed. None of her plays had ever been ahead of schedule… "Look, what do you want? We were kind of busy…" She shot a seductive glance at Beck, but it was obvious that he was most definitely not in the mood anymore.

Tori waved it off like she didn't just drop in without warning. "Oh, it'll only take a second. I was going to see if you thought that this was an appropriate monologue to do for my audition. I was going to use Luciana's from _The Comedy of Errors_. I mean, she and I have a lot in common…"

Jade's eyes widened. She looked at Beck to see if he might have been thinking the same thing that she was, but he only shrugged at her. "Okay, first of all," she said, rising up from the couch and leaning toward Tori, "I told you that I was doing a monologue from that show first. Second of all, you and Luciana are_ nothing_ alike. She's pure, innocent, and honest."

Tori's bottom lip quivered like that comment had upset her, but she honestly should have seen something like this coming. "I'm pure, innocent, and honest."

Jade laughed out loud, but it sounded almost cold. "Sure you are. Look, can you just get on with what you're trying to do? Beck and I were about to do it."

"Jade!" Beck exclaimed, walking over to her quickly and sitting down next to her. "I really don't think that's anyone's business."

"Yeah, I don't care," she said, looking back at Tori. "Go on, then."

Tori hesitated as she glanced between them, and then she cleared her throat and started to read off of a piece of paper. "And may it be that you have quite forgot a husband's office? Shall, Antipholus, even in the spring of love, thy love-springs rot?"

Jade held up her hand, signaling for her to stop, and when Tori looked up and smiled at her, she said, "Do you even know what you're talking about?"

Tori's smile faded, and then she shrugged. "Not really. I mean, I took that Shakespeare class last semester, but I didn't really understand it-"

"Then why are you doing it? If you don't know what you're saying, then the people you audition for are going to think that-" She stopped and thought about what she was saying. She wasn't actually giving Tori advice…she had to take back everything that she just said. "Actually, go on. It's interesting."

Tori narrowed her eyes in suspicion, but she didn't seem to think that anything was wrong. "Shall love, in building, grow so ruinous? If you did wed my sister for her wealth, then, for her wealth's sake use her with more kindness: or, if you like elsewhere, do it by stealth; muffle your false love with some show of blindness; let not my sister read it in your eye; be not thy tongue thy own shame's orator; look sweet, speak fair, become disloyalty-"

"It sounds lovely. Can you please go now?" Jade said sarcastically. If Tori didn't get up and leave, she would. There was no way she was going to stay in the same room with her much longer unless she had to.

Tori frowned. "I guess so. I mean-"

"Thanks," Jade said bitterly, rolling her eyes. She watched as Tori stood up awkwardly and walked toward the door, waving and smiling at Beck and glancing at Jade nervously before walking outside.

As soon as the door shut, Jade knew that Beck was going to go off on her, just like he always did. But surprisingly, he was quiet. Jade let out an exasperated breath and pushed her hair out of her face, waiting some more for him to say something, but he still didn't.

"Okay, what's the deal?" she finally asked. "You would normally be yelling at me right now."

Beck only shrugged. "Why should I be yelling at you? I'm not mad or anything." He sighed and looked over at her. "Remember, I promised that I wouldn't stand up for Tori anymore."

"Really?" she questioned, raising an eyebrow. She didn't think that he was being serious when he said that. But now that they weren't fighting about her, she felt a little better since she sunk into her depression. She didn't enjoy fighting with him about Tori, but for some reason, she liked arguing with him about everything else. A lot of people in relationships didn't like to argue at all, but it sort of gave her a thrill.

"Really really," he said, yawning. "I'm tired. You wanna stay over tonight, or do you want me to take you home?"

Beck didn't know anything about Jade's mom's boyfriend. He was at her house every night, and every night she was at home too, he and her mom fought all night. She never got any sleep, and sometimes she had to get involved with the fights. She hated going home, but she knew that she couldn't stay here forever. And if she stayed too long, Beck would start asking questions. She couldn't tell him about all of that. Not yet, anyway.

"I don't wanna go home," she murmured, not looking him in the eye.

"Okay, get up so I can pull out the bed."

Jade obeyed, and within minutes, he had made up the bed and turned the lights off. She crawled into the bed next to him, and a thought suddenly struck her. She was kind of glad that Tori had barged in on them. Because if she wouldn't have, Beck would have found all of the cuts lining Jade's arms. She didn't need that. It would only cause trouble.

And then she got the sudden urge to start an argument with Beck. They typically fought every night before they went to sleep, and then he would always apologize and tell her how much he loved her. And then she would punch him for being stupid.

"Hey, Beck?" she whispered into the dark. He didn't reply, but she knew that he was listening. "So…_Aladdin_ is the stupidest Disney movie." She felt his body tense up next to hers, and she knew that she had touched a soft spot for him.

The next thing she knew, there was a bright light in her eyes, and it was coming from his phone. She shielded her eyes, because they had already adjusted to the dark, and he said, "You take that back."

"No, I like_ The Hunchback of Notre Dame_." He gasped, and she grinned maliciously. He hated that movie.

"How could you ever like that movie? It's got a terrible plotline, and there's singing gargoyles. You know that I'm scared of those things."

"Okay, turn your damn phone off. It's blinding me." Jade waited patiently until the bright light went off, and then she turned to face him again. "That's why I like it. Because I like watching you scream like a little girl when those gargoyles come on."

He rolled over to face her as well. "That's not nice at all. You're a terrible person."

Jade groaned and kicked him in the leg. "You're supposed to be getting mad at me."

"Ow! Damn it, Jade! Now I'm mad at you."

"Good."

"Why do you want me to be mad at you?"

"I don't know, because I'm an aggressive person."

Beck sighed and laughed a little bit as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close to him. "I love you," he whispered against her cheek.

"Yeah, whatever. Stop being stupid."

"And you love me too."

"Leave me alone. Go to sleep." This was how things were supposed to be, no matter how stupid or pointless the argument was. And Jade smiled a little before she fell asleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey, guys! So guess what? I met Avan and Liz. And they're both incredibly sweet. Avan is a little shy, though, I think. He didn't really have a lot to say to anyone. But I still love them both. (: They're incredible. **

**So...I'm sorry that it took me a while to update, but I just finished my Cat/Robbie fic, and now I'm starting another Cat/Robbie. And I'm also keeping up with an HP fic. It's a little difficult to update really really soon because I get distracted so easily, but I promise I'm trying my hardest. Thanks for sticking with me, even though I suck at updating. :/ Leave a review, if you like or not.**

The first night of October, Jade lay in bed at her house listening to her mom and her mom's boyfriend downstairs arguing. The boyfriend, named Nathan, had been yelling at her mom about how slutty she was, and her mom couldn't even defend herself because she was too drunk to even keep her eyes open. This was almost a nightly occurrence, which is why Jade found herself staying the night at Beck's RV so often. She got sick and tired of staying awake every night and listening to it all. Sometimes she would have to get up and go downstairs to break up the fight, and then one of them would end up hitting her. Then she would run out the door and head for Beck's RV, the only place she really knew to go.

The fight was at its climax, and she would probably have to get up in the next few minutes to tell them to shut up so she could sleep because she had school tomorrow, but she was waiting until she absolutely had to get up. She rolled over in bed and covered her head with her pillow, trying to block out the sounds, but then she heard glass breaking, and she knew that that was when she had to intervene.

"Mom?" she called into the dark hallway, taking a cautious step toward the stairs. There was no reply, and no one was yelling downstairs. Maybe they both passed out drunk…

And then Nathan showed up at the bottom of the stairs. He was big and burly, with tattoos all over his arms. He had a bushy black mustache and wide blue eyes, which were bugging out of his head as he stared up at her. He looked intimidating in the darkness of the house, but Jade wasn't afraid. She couldn't be afraid of him.

"And you!" he shouted, pointing an accusing finger at her. "Your mom's a slut, and so are you! You're always running off to that damn boy's house every night. And I know you're not just sleeping!" He stepped onto one of the stairs, inching slowly closer to her.

Jade's heart was pounding in her chest, and she took a step back toward her room. As she did, Nathan took another step toward her. He looked like he wanted to murder her. She didn't even do anything to him…

"I wouldn't have to go to Beck's house if I could actually sleep around here," she said, her voice shaking at every word spoken. She wasn't scared…she wasn't scared…

"Well, you're not sleeping over there either!" Nathan yelled. "You and your whore of a mother are just alike. You sleep around. I'll be so damn glad when you're out of this house next year."

Jade gulped, taking another step back. The house suddenly seemed really cold, and she shivered. "Yeah, I'll be glad too. I'll be on the other side of the country."

"Like hell you will." Nathan's eyes narrowed in anger, and he took a swig of the beer in his hand. "Who's paying for it? Your mom's not making the money. Your daddy doesn't love you. And I sure as hell ain't paying for it."

Jade shrugged. "I don't know. But I'm going to New York, whether you like it or not."

He hadn't even been listening to her. He was looking down at something, and Jade looked down at her bare arms. He was staring at the cuts all over her skin. She gasped and tried to quickly cover it up, but he started laughing a cold, malicious laugh. He drank some of his beer and took a slow step forward. "Been trying to kill yourself or something?" he asked.

"I have good reason to try, don't I?" Jade retorted, and then quickly covered her mouth. That was going to make him mad. She tried to stand tall against him, tried to be brave, but it didn't work. He was completely terrifying, and she knew that he was about to hurt her. She had to run.

Her legs were working faster than her brain was, and before she knew it, she was moving. Nathan was close behind her, yelling things like, "Get back here!" and "Don't backtalk me!" She didn't listen to him. She made it into her room, breath coming in quick gasps and hands shaking violently. She could feel tears welling up in her eyes, and she wiped them away as she struggled to lock the door in the darkness. Her hands were shaking more and more as she gripped the doorknob and tried to turn the lock. She finally got it locked just as Nathan started pounding on the door. She had to get out fast.

"Let me in, Jade!" Nathan yelled from in the hallway. He was beating the door so hard that it was creaking and groaning, threatening to break off of its hinges at any moment.

Jade crawled around on the floor in the dark, trying to find some clean clothes for tomorrow that she could throw into her backpack. She didn't even care if they matched; she just wanted to get out of the house as fast as she could. Pants, shirt…that's all she really needed. She crept over to her bed and felt around for her boots, and she threw them on rapidly and darted over to her window, unlocking it and throwing it open.

The cool October air hit her in the face, and she shivered again just as the door swung open and Nathan walked into her room. He was glaring at her, his hands balled into fists and his mouth turned into a frown. "Jump out that window and see what happens to you when you get home," he said.

The threat didn't bother her. She jumped out the window, hitting the ground just a few feet below her. She looked up at saw Nathan leaning out and shouting at her, but she didn't listen to him. She just ran to the front of the house and then down the street in the direction of Beck's RV.

She checked her cell phone when she was far away from her house. It was two in the morning, and she hadn't even slept at all. She didn't want to go to school in the morning, but maybe it would be good for her to just go on stage, even if it's just for a few minutes as a _background dancer_. Five hours of sleep would be fine.

The wind was blowing rather hard, and she shivered again. She had forgotten to grab a jacket in her rush. The street was completely deserted, and the only noise that was keeping her company was the click-clack of her boots against the concrete. Several times, she thought that she might have heard someone behind her, and she quickly glanced over her shoulder to make sure that she was still alone. She always was.

She finally found herself outside of his RV in the next half hour, and by this time, tears were falling down her face. She wiped them away, refusing to let Beck see her like this, but they just kept coming. Instead of attempting to pull herself together, she knocked on his door. She hated waking him up in the middle of the night, because then he was always in a bad mood the next morning. But she had no choice. She was most definitely not going back home.

The door swung open a few minutes later, and there was Beck, leaning against the doorframe and rubbing his eyes. He had obviously been asleep. He yawned and gestured for her to come in, and she followed after him to the bed.

"I'm sorry," she said, sniffling and wiping more tears away. "My mom and Nathan were fighting, and then he started yelling at me, and-"

"It's fine," Beck replied groggily, yawning again. "I'd rather you be here. I worry about you when you're at home." He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a hug, kissing her forehead as he did so. "Stay as long as you want to. You know I don't care."

Jade broke into a new fit of sobs, and she buried her face into his chest. "I was so scared, Beck," she said. Her whole body was shaking.

For a while, he just held her like this, and then he yawned and pulled away from her. "Let's just go to sleep, okay? You'll feel better in the morning." He grabbed her arm and dragged her over to his bed, and she lay down next to him and curled up as close as she could to him. She could hear his heartbeat, and it was oddly comforting to her. At least she knew that one person cared about her…

"Beck?" she whispered against his chest. He didn't reply, so she kicked him. He immediately woke up and kicked her back. "Shit, Beck! Don't kick me! I just wanted to tell you good night."

"Good night, then," he mumbled. He settled in closer to her and wrapped his arm around her. Jade rolled over so that she wasn't facing him and sighed. She wouldn't be able to sleep, but she would try. As she wiped the last of the tears away from her face, she realized that this was the first time that Beck had ever seen her cry. She couldn't let that happen again.


	7. Chapter 7

**BadeLover- Liz was incredibly sweet, but I didn't get to stick around her for too long because everyone was being so rushed for time, but she was very nice to me and all of the people in front of me. She was pretty laidback and chill. I got two autographs and one picture with her, and we had a short conversation. So, I assume she had a pretty good time meeting her fans. (:**

**Written in the Dark- Yes, I have tons of pictures. I'm pretty sure I could be a certified stalker if I wanted to be. (:**

**School year's almost over, so that means I can start updating faster really, really soon. Just hang in there with me. And leave a review, whether you like or not. :)**

Beck was walking down the deserted hallways of Hollywood Arts one afternoon, trying to kill time while Jade was in the dance studio. She didn't like him being in there when she was trying to dance, and any time that he happened to walk in while she was dancing, he usually got a shoe or something thrown at him. So he left her alone.

Even though Jade hated to admit it, she was incredibly self-conscious about everything that she did. She wasn't as bad a couple of years ago, but when Tori showed up, it was like protective walls went up, and anything and everything could piss her off. Sure, she had been just a little insane ever since she was a kid, but that was her mom and dad that messed her up. They always told her that she could always do better, always pressured her into doing something that she didn't want to do. And because of them, by the time she hit high school, she had pretty much become a bitch. Everyone was scared of her because she was so talented, and it was competition to all of the other aspiring actors. And then Tori came along, and things got worse. The only person that was ever able to keep her in check was Beck, and people were grateful for him controlling her.

As Beck rounded the corner into the main corridor, he heard someone else walking. He looked up from his cell phone and checked behind him, but no one was there. He must have just been paranoid. As he checked the time on his phone, he sighed and started walking toward the dance studio. It was past four, and he had to get home and start on homework. He would just have to risk getting a shoe thrown at him.

And right before he rounds the next corner, Tori pops out of nowhere from in front of him, gripping her script from the play that she was playing the lead in. She was smiling and looking almost relieved to see him. He jumped at her sudden appearance and waved at her like she was just an acquaintance to him, and he tried to walk around her.

"Beck!" she shouted after him, and he whipped around to look at her again. Her brown eyes were shining with an emotion that he wasn't familiar with when it came to her. It was almost like she was…hurt about something. "Beck, what's wrong with you? You've been acting weird lately."

Beck shrugged at her. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Tori's lips turned into a rare frown, and then she rolled her eyes. "You just pretty much ignored me! I thought we were supposed to be friends. What's wrong?" She paused, and her eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Is Jade telling you something about me?"

"No," Beck replied. "Not at all. I just…I don't know. I'm trying to focus on her a little bit more now, you know? You know how she is."

Tori nodded and crossed her arms, her eyes darting to the floor for a split second and then back up at Beck. "Right. So…what are you doing at school so late?"

"Oh, I was just waiting for Jade. She's in the-" Beck stopped himself before he said anything about the dance studio. Jade would murder him if she knew that he told Tori about her secret ability. "She's busy."

Tori raised an eyebrow at him, but she didn't question him. "Well, I'm here because I thought we were having play rehearsal, and then I found out that we weren't. So now I have no way of getting home." She looked up at him innocently. "Can you give me a ride?"

"Um…" That probably wasn't the best idea. Jade would probably murder him if she knew he was even in the hallway talking to Tori without her. But Beck was a good person, and he wasn't going to make Tori walk home when it was pouring down rain outside. "Sure. Just let me tell Jade first so she won't come looking for me."

He pulled out his cell phone, deciding that it would be easier to call her than to walk halfway across the school to the dance studio. Besides, the less time he spent with Tori, the less angry Jade would be with him.

"Beck, what the hell? Why are you calling me?" Her voice was harsh, and he cringed. It wouldn't be easy telling her that he was standing with Tori in a deserted hallway.

"Hey, babe," he said. "I was just gonna tell you that…I'm going to get you coffee. I'll be back in about fifteen minutes."

"Ooh, coffee sounds good," Tori said. "Can I go with you to get some?"

Beck cringed again, mentally preparing himself for Jade. She was surely about to yell at him.

"Who are you with?" she asked. "Was that Vega?"

Her words were razor-sharp, cutting right into him more and more as she spoke. "Um…yes," he replied, running a hand through his hair and glancing at Tori. "I have to take her home really fast and then-"

"No. Absolutely not. I'm ready. We can leave now." And then she hung up.

Beck put his phone away and sighed loudly, looking at Tori as he did so. He was just giving her a ride home. What was the harm in that? He never really understood why Jade hated Tori so much, although Jade had told him many, many times about how "fake" Tori was and how she got everything she wanted without ever really trying. She also kept mentioning how he and Tori had kissed in alphabet improv, which he didn't really see as a reason to hate her anymore. He felt like there was some underlying reason for why the hatred was so strong, but he didn't like to press it. She always got angry and kicked him or something if he even mentioned Tori around her.

"Alright, I'm ready," Jade said as she came around the corner and grabbed Beck's hand, glaring at Tori the whole time. "Vega, you're in the back seat."

Tori nodded and smiled a little bit, but she didn't complain. She knew as well as everyone else that what Jade said is what went.

…..

The ride to Tori's house was incredibly awkward. The whole car was silent, except for the rain falling outside. Occasionally, Beck would try to start a conversation with the two girls about future plans or something that had happened at school that day, but neither of them seemed to want to talk all of a sudden. So they brewed in awkward silence throughout the whole drive to Tori's house.

When they finally pulled up in Tori's driveway, Tori threw the door open eagerly, waving goodbye to Beck and thanking him for the ride. She attempted to wave goodbye to Jade, but all she got in response was a "whatever," so she just shut the door and darted toward her house to avoid getting too wet from the rain.

"Alright, so you wanna tell me every reason why you hate Tori now?" Beck asked as he pulled out of the driveway.

Jade shrugged and continued to stare out the window. "I've already told you. She gets everything she wants, and I have to work my ass off all the time. And I still don't get anything in the end. I mean, she gets the lead role of every play that she auditions for. And she's so pretty and perfect, and it's like I have nothing compared to her." Maybe she shouldn't have said that much…she really made it sound like it was jealousy more than hatred that was keeping her and Tori from being friends. She didn't want anyone to think that she was jealous, especially Beck.

"So…you feel threatened by her?" Beck asked.

"I didn't say that. Look, can we just leave it as 'I don't like Vega.' That's good enough for me." Jade rolled her eyes. Beck really annoyed her sometimes, mainly when he tried to have a conversation with her about her feelings and stuff. She hated talking about her feelings.

"It's not good enough for me. I'm just curious." Beck reached over and took her hand in his. "I don't mean to intrude on your feelings or whatever, but it's really not healthy to keep a bunch of negative thoughts inside. People who don't talk about it typically cause themselves to have a heart attack or something."

"Cool," Jade replied, pulling her hand away from him and crossing her arms.

"Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaade. Please tell me. We've been dating for almost three years. You should be able to tell me anything by now."

Jade groaned and rolled her eyes again. He always made her feel like she _had _to talk, and most of the time, she gave in. That was one of those times. But it was only because she was growing angry with the subject and just wanted to leave it alone.

"You wanna know why I don't like her? Because I see the way she looks at you, Beck! She stares at you all the time. She's liked you ever since she saw you, and she's been trying her hardest to steal you away from me. Don't tell me I'm overreacting either, because I'm not. Tori is used to getting everything she wants, and you're the only thing that she's ever wanted that she couldn't just get. But she still thinks that some day, you might leave me. And sometimes, I think that maybe you should leave me for her. It makes more sense. You and her would be like, the perfect couple. I'm just messed up and stupid, and I don't know why you're even bothering to stay with me. Sometimes when I go to sleep at night, I worry that I'm going to wake up the next morning and you're going to break up with me for her. And I can't live like that. So you wanted to know how I really felt, there you go. You feel better now? Because I sure as hell do." She made a noise that sounded something like a hissing cat, and she returned to staring out the window.

Beck was silent for a really long time. It was obvious that he was still soaking in the words. He didn't expect for her to tell him that much, and he never really expected Jade to feel that way in the first place. That just wasn't _her_. She wasn't a very self-conscious person.

"Jade, you know that I would never leave you," he murmured after a while. He could have sworn he heard a sniffle from her direction, but he didn't say anything about it. He really hoped that she wasn't crying. "I wouldn't leave you for anyone, especially Tori. I can swear that to you. All I need is for you to trust me."

"I trust you," Jade responded. "I don't trust her."

"Don't worry about her. Even if she does try to steal me away, I won't let her. Because I. Love. You." He smiled like a little kid and poked her belly.

She glared up at him and then punched him in the arm, which caused him to lose control of the car for just a second, barely missing a sign on the side of the road. "Do I look like the damn Pillsbury doughboy? Don't poke my stomach again unless you want me to cut your hair off while you're asleep tonight."

Beck smirked at her. She had threatened to cut his hair off way too many times, and it had stopped being intimidating a while ago. Most of the time, her threats were empty. "You would miss my hair. It's one of the many things that you love about me."

Jade rolled her eyes. "Okay, and arrogance is one of the many things I _despise_ about you."

"I'm not arrogant. I just know that you love me. And I love you. And nothing can come in between that."

Jade glared at him for a while, hating herself for even pouring her heart out to him at all. He now knew how she really felt, and that probably wasn't the best thing. "If I tell you that I love you, will you shut up?"

"Yes."

"Fine. Then I love you. And you better seriously love me back, because if you ever leave me for Vega, I'll kick your ass."

Beck smiled and held her hand again. "I don't think I'll have to worry about getting my ass kicked then."

Jade was sickened by how many times 'I love you' had been used in the past few minutes, but somewhere deep inside, she really enjoyed it. It made her feel just a little better about herself, even if it was just for a little while.


	8. Chapter 8

**Okay, before you guys tell me how much you hate me for not posting in so long, let me explain. For the past week, I've had exams at school. And that was a pretty stressful, tiring time. When I finally got out on Thursday, I tried to write this multiple times, and my computer kept freezing up and deleting everything that I typed. So I had to retype this chapter like, ten times. But I finally got it all tonight. And I'm out for the summer finally, so I hope I'll have more time to post now. Anyway, I'm not too impressed with how this chapter came out, but whether it's good or bad, please leave a review. Thanks. **

As the next couple of weeks passed and Jade continued standing in the background on the stage, her feelings toward everything started to change drastically. When the school year started, she could have proudly said that she was the best actress, singer, and dancer at Hollywood Arts, but now all she saw was flaw. When she was reciting monologues, she always stopped herself because it sounded _terrible_. "You can do better," she always told herself, but no matter how hard she tried, nothing got any better. Every word that left her mouth on stage sounded flawed. Every dance move looked imperfect. Every note in any song she sang sounded off pitch. The more she tried, the more she failed. And the more she hated herself for even trying. Why did she ever think she was the best? She was never the best.

She stayed with Beck for two weeks. She absolutely refused to go home, even though her mom called her at least twenty times a day begging her to return. Her mom was sober when she called. By the time she got home, her mom would be drunk, and she would no longer care about her dear daughter. Nobody would ever care about her. She couldn't even care about herself anymore. A few times when she woke up in the morning and looked in the mirror at her hideous face, she thought about just ending it all. But then Beck would walk in and wrap his arms around her waist and kiss her cheek, and she would change her mind.

Sometimes Beck would watch her for long periods of time, a suspicious look on his face, and then he would ask her if something was wrong. And she would always yell at him, like she would normally react, and he would shut up. He had to know that something was wrong. She wasn't herself anymore. She was a complete monster.

She could finally wear short sleeves again. For the past month, she had worn jackets to hide her scarred arms, and then she had a short discussion with Cat about theatre make-up one day. Cat had told her that theatre make-up could pretty much cover up about any blemish on the skin, if enough was applied. Cat had actually covered up a guy's tattoo so that he could be in a one-man play over the weekend. And if that guy's tattoo disappeared, Jade's cuts could disappear. So she used some of the theatre make-up to cover it up. Then she would never have to worry about Beck finding out anything again.

One day while she was sitting at his RV working on homework for her theatre appreciation class, her phone starting vibrating beside her book. The caller ID told her that it was her mom, and she merely rolled her eyes and ignored the call. Her mom knew where she was, so she had no need to worry about anything.

And then as she started back on her homework, the door to the RV opened and Beck walked in with a cup of coffee and a giant lump underneath his jacket. He kept his head down as he handed the coffee to Jade and headed toward the back of the RV, but she was already suspicious, and he wasn't getting away easily.

"Beck, what do you have in your jacket?" she asked.

Beck paused for a second, trying to decide whether he should just ignore her or not, but then he said, "It's nothing. I think I'm gonna take a nap now." He took a quick step away from her, but she was too fast for him. She was off the floor and digging her nails into his arm before he could make another move.

"Your jacket's moving, Beck." She pointed down to the huge lump, and it was indeed struggling rather fiercely underneath his jacket.

Beck glanced down at it and then back up at Jade, who had her eyebrow raised as she glared at him. "I don't know what you're talking about. There's nothing there."

Jade sighed and unzipped his jacket, and her fear was confirmed. There was a stupid puppy there, one with enormous ears and beady black eyes. Its body was white, and there were a few black and brown patches here and there. It was about the size of a Chihuahua, but it was much fluffier.

"Beck, what the hell is that thing? It's hideous."

Beck looked down at the dog that he was now holding in his hands. "Well, that's strange. I don't know how this thing got here-"

"Enough with the crap! Why do you have the most hideous rat in the world?"

Beck gasped and covered the dog's huge ears, as if the dog could have understood what they were talking about. "She's not a rat, she's a dog." Jade was glaring at him, because she hated dogs and pretty much any other animal. He sighed and began to explain why he even had the creature. "So I was out getting your coffee, and then I just happened to walk by the animal shelter-"

"The animal shelter is nowhere near Starbucks."

"Fine, I _chose_ to walk by the animal shelter. And I was looking at their big dogs, but then I decided that there was no point in getting a big dog if we wouldn't be able to keep it in our apartment in nine months. So I got to looking at the small dogs, and I found this one. And I knew you were going to hate me forever for getting her, but she reminded me of you, so I had to get her. Her and her brothers and sisters were dropped off on the side of the road." He frowned and patted the dog's head, but he knew that that wouldn't even make Jade feel sorry for the dog.

"Wait," Jade said, trying her hardest to ignore the ugly features of the puppy. "Are you saying that this rat reminded you of me? If that was supposed to be a compliment, you failed."

Beck sighed. He knew that Jade was going to end up mad at him, but he couldn't really help it. He actually had a heart for animals. "Here," he said, holding the dog out to her, "you take her. She's so cute and cuddly."

Jade glared right into the dog's dark, beady eyes and then she backed away in disgust. "She's not cute and cuddly. She's repulsive."

"It's okay," Beck said, patting the dog on the head. "She secretly likes you."

"Stop talking to that thing! It doesn't understand you!"

Beck looked offended, but he quickly recovered and darted over to the couch, still clutching the dog tightly. "We gotta name her. What do you think we should name her?"

"Ugly," Jade quickly replied. She was still staring at the abnormally large ears on the dog's tiny head.

"That's insulting. Think of something else."

"Stupid."

"Jade! She's not stupid! She's completely adorable. And don't deny it, because you know you just wanna hug her." As he spoke, the dog let out a high-pitched bark, and Jade crinkled her nose in disgust. "If we're going to name her, we need to name her something good. So think of something good."

Jade rolled her eyes and sat down on the couch next to the hideous fur ball, and it sneezed all over her leg. She wanted to throw it, but she resisted the temptation because, honestly, the dog was incredibly cute. But she would never admit that to Beck. So instead of punishing the dog, she kicked Beck. "How about Artemis?"

"Artemis? Like from mythology?" Beck asked. He nodded as he watched the dog sneeze again, and then he smiled. "That's cool. But why Artemis? Why not Athena? She has wisdom."

"Because Artemis was a bitch, and she could take care of herself," Jade replied. "The dog doesn't need wisdom. She's a _dog_."

"Artemis it is, then," Beck replied, picking up the dog and cradling it again. "Who's a cute doggy? You are!" The dog licked his face, and he smiled and pet her again while Jade watched in horror.

"Okay, when you stop making out with the dog, I'd like to talk to you about something," she said. "It's about Juilliard-"

"Oops, I forgot to kiss you when I came in-"

"Beck, I swear. You better not. That dog's been all over your face, and that's disgusting and-"

But Beck had already lunged on top of her, and his face was only inches away from hers. For the first time in the almost three years that they had been dating, she didn't want to kiss him. She protested and tried to wriggle free from the couch, but she couldn't get him off of her. She kicked his leg and slapped him as hard as she could, but to no avail. He pressed his lips against hers, and she pushed him away.

"Beck, that's gross," she said. "Dogs are germy. I think you should take her back to the pound."

"I think you should pet her," he said, handing the dog to her and placing it on her stomach. "You'll like her."

Jade was still acting as if the dog completely repulsed her, and she hesitantly patted the dog on its head. It was incredibly soft and fluffy, but she still refused to show any liking toward the creature. "There, I touched it. Get it off of me."

Beck took the dog away and placed it on the floor, where it started to venture around its new home. The dog wasn't so important anymore. He was watching Jade now, because she looked angry and upset and confused, and he hadn't known what to do with her for the past month. She was still the same Jade, but in a way, she was…different. It frustrated him that he couldn't figure anything out except for maybe it was just the fact that she was stressed about school and the future and moving out.

"Jade, seriously. Is there something wrong? You can talk to me about it." He sat up on the couch and stared at her, waiting for her to speak.

Her face contorted from the annoyance that she was obviously feeling to more of a somber expression, and she shrugged. "Nothing's wrong. I'm fine. What makes you think something's wrong?"

"Well, I mean…you haven't been yelling at me a lot lately, and you seem all sad sometimes, and…well, we haven't had sex in like, a month. And you know, I kind of like it when you yell at me, and when you're all sad, it's no fun. I'm just concerned-"

"You're concerned because we haven't had sex in a month?" Jade interrupted, raising her eyebrow and glaring at him. "Fine, let's do it now." She got up from the couch and started to undress, but Beck climbed down to the floor and picked up the puppy without even glancing at her.

"I'm not in the mood right now," he said, but she ignored him and crawled onto his lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck and started to play with his hair, but he still didn't seem at all interested in doing anything. As she brought her lips to his, she felt his hand trail up her arm and stop at a spot just below her elbow. He pulled away from her and stared into her eyes, his hand remaining in the same spot.

Jade glanced at the place where his hand was at, wondering what could possibly be going on, and then she saw that there was a large, reddish-brown cut right underneath his fingers. A thousand thoughts started rushing through her mind as she stared directly into his eyes, trying not to break contact. She had lied hundreds of times before. She had to do it now. Her breath started to come a little faster, and she gulped down all of her fear and anxiety and kept a serious expression on her face.

"What happened?" Beck asked, tracing a finger over the cut.

What happened? What happened? Why was it so hard for her to come up with a lie all of a sudden? She bit her lip and looked away from him, searching all over the RV for something that she could have possibly hurt herself on. How did she not cover that up? She hadn't even seen it.

"I was helping with set build for the play," she finally said, unable to think of any better excuse. "I ran into part of the set, and I scraped my arm. It's okay, though."

Beck narrowed his eyes in suspicion as he glanced at the cut again, but he didn't say anything more about it. Pretty soon, Jade was going to start getting aggressive, and even though he somewhat missed being yelled at all the time, he didn't really want to fight about something like this.

"You want me to kiss it to make it feel better?" he said, but he didn't wait for a response as he kissed the scratch on her arm.

"Kisses don't make it feel better," Jade told him. Nothing made it feel better. No matter what he did for her, it seemed like she just sunk lower and lower as each day passed. She was hanging on to a thread, and she wished that she had enough courage to just end it all.

As Beck draped his arms around her waist and pulled her into his chest, Jade's phone started vibrating from the couch. Jade groaned and reached up to grab it, only to roll her eyes as soon as she saw the caller ID. It was her mom, once again. She groaned loudly and pressed the accept button.

"What?"

"Jade, sweetie, I miss you." Her mom's voice was sickeningly sweet. It wouldn't sound like that in a couple of hours when she would be drunk or high. "Please come home."

"No." She started to end the call, but her mom spoke again.

"I sent Nathan to come and get you. He should be there any second now."

"Right, and if I don't go with him?" Jade asked. She absolutely despised her mom right now. She could have killed her, but she didn't have time to go to jail, so she just decided to kill with words.

Before her mom could answer, the doorbell on the RV sounded, and fear started to overwhelm Jade. That had to be Nathan. And she couldn't just refuse to go home with him. He would hurt her. She glanced at Beck for a second as she ended the call with her mom, and she tried not to show that she was incredibly afraid for her life, but she knew that he could see right through her.

"Please don't go home," he said.

The doorbell rang again, and Jade jumped up from his lap and started to redress herself as quickly as she could. She didn't care if she looked sloppy or not; she just didn't want to make Nathan even angrier than he already was by making him wait. She grabbed her bag and started throwing all of her things in it, but she wouldn't have time to gather it all. She would just have to get it later.

"I'll see you later," she said to Beck without even looking at him as she rushed toward the door.

Beck grabbed her wrist before she could open the door and spun her around to face him. "Call me tonight so I know you're okay."

Jade nodded a little and pulled away from him as she heard a loud pounding on the door. There was no goodbye or anything as she opened it and disappeared from the RV.

Beck sighed as he heard yelling drift in from outside, and he scooped up the small dog and sat down on the couch. He knew that he probably wasn't going to be getting a call from her tonight, and there wasn't anything he could do about it.


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey guys! So I know I said that since it was summer I would be able to post more frequently, but I don't know about that. I'll be here next week, but the week after that I'll be in Orlando. Maybe I can get two or three chapters written and posted before I leave then. Anyway, I'm sorry if this chapter seems a bit rushed. I didn't mean for it to, but...well, it happened. Leave a review. (: Thanks.**

That evening when Jade got home and Nathan threw open the door furiously, she was greeted by smoke in her living room that could only mean that her mom was having another one of her pot parties.

"We're home, Denise," Nathan said, and Jade rolled her eyes and debated on whether or not she should just run out the door. She decided against it after Nathan closed it and locked it, and then he grabbed her arm and dragged her into the living room where her mom and five other people were lounging around looking high already.

"Good, good," Denise West said, scooting over on the couch just a little bit so that Nathan could sit next to her. A joint was passed to Nathan, and he took a drag from it and handed it to Denise. She passed it to the next person and smiled up at Jade, who was standing in the middle of Nathan's smoke that he had blown out and coughing. "Jade, you've been gone for two weeks. Why didn't you tell me when you were coming home?"

Jade shrugged as more smoke was blown out into the room, and she grimaced at the smell. How could her mom be doing this while she was at home? She had grown to hate drugs and alcohol with a burning passion, and she would never even dream about getting into any of that because she had seen the effects that it had on her mom and Nathan. She knew that other teenagers were out there getting trashed, but she wasn't one of them. It disgusted her.

"I wasn't exactly planning on coming home any time soon," she said.

"She was at that boy's house," Nathan said. He had the joint again, and he took another hit. "Did you know that she was over at his house the whole time?"

Denise nodded and patted him on the arm consolingly, like he actually cared about Jade's well-being. "Yes, but she always runs off to Beck's house when she gets mad at me. It's okay, dear. Beck's a good kid. This one on the other hand," she gestured to Jade, "is a mess. I don't know how she ended up like that."

Jade bit her lip and tried her hardest not to make a rude comment, because she knew that if she did, Nathan would be after her in a heartbeat. She just took a step back and wondered whether or not they would notice if she just left the room.

"You know that they're not just sitting around watching TV, Denise," Nathan said. "She's gonna end up pregnant."

Denise shrugged and held the joint out to Jade, whose eyes widened as she backed away from it. Her mom was offering her drugs now? And they were talking about her as if she wasn't even there.

"If she ends up pregnant, that's not my problem. She'll be out of the house in the next few months, anyway."

Jade couldn't take it anymore. "I'm not gonna end up getting pregnant because I'm not an idiot like you are! You're the one that chose to get knocked up at sixteen and drop out of high school. I actually have a little sense, whether you know it or not. I'm not as fucked up as you think I am."

"Hey, don't talk to your mother like that," Nathan warned through gritted teeth.

Jade coughed as the smoke in the room became much thicker, and she glared at him as best she could under the circumstances and ran up to her room, locking the door behind her. She threw herself onto her bed and stared into the mirror on the wall for a long time before the first tear fell. Another fell, followed by another, until all of her black make-up was coating her cheeks and dripping onto her fingers.

Maybe they were right. Maybe she was the one that was screwed up, not them. She had so many problems, and she wished that she could have a perfect life like Tori had. She didn't have to go home and worry about getting drugs offered to her or whether or not she was going to get hit by her mom's boyfriend. She hated her life so much, and she wanted to end it as quickly as possible. But that tiny little thought about Beck and the future always crept back into her mind, and she lost the courage to cut a little deeper into her skin and die.

After a few minutes, she threw her shoe at the mirror as hard as she could and watched as the glass shattered and fell to the floor. Another tear fell, and she wiped it away as she got up and walked over to the broken glass all over her floor. She picked up a piece and examined it carefully before pressing it to her skin. _Forget Beck. How do you know he even loves you? You'll always be second best in his eyes. Second best to Tori Vega…_

Her phone vibrated in her pocket, and she dropped the glass to the floor and pulled it out to see who could possibly be texting her. She saw two new texts, one that she had gotten from Cat while she was downstairs. She opened it, and it was only one of those chain messages that everybody sent around that Jade never resent. But it began with "I love you," and that was all she needed to forget about death and how great it would be right now. Even if Beck didn't care about her, Cat still did. And she couldn't leave poor Cat alone.

The other message was from Beck. It read: "Everything okay, babe?" She tried to text back telling him that everything was fine, but she heard a thunderous knock on the door and dropped her phone in fear.

"Jade, open this damn door right now!" It was Nathan, and he sounded angrier than he had when she had run out of the living room. She could ignore him, but she knew that he would find a way in. So she got up and opened the door, trying to look calm despite the fact that she had been crying for the past few minutes.

"Did something break up here?" he asked as he stepped into the room without invitation.

"No," Jade lied. "Can you please get out of my room now?"

Nathan shot her a glare, and then his eyes fell on the shattered mirror. "Why'd you break that mirror?"

"Because mirrors are for people who like to look at themselves, so I figured that it was of no use to me," she said, her voice staying level despite the fact that she wanted to burst into tears again. She wouldn't normally just spill out her feelings like that, but her true feelings seemed kind of like a smartass comment to make as well, so she said it, just to make Nathan mad. He wouldn't hurt her…hopefully.

"You know, your mom and I work hard to pay for things for you," Nathan said, ignoring the comment. "You could show just a little respect for it."

Jade raised an eyebrow. She was feeling a little braver now. "So I guess 'working hard' is lying on your ass half the day and then getting drunk out of your mind at night?"

She wasn't sure what happened next, because everything just happened so fast. Nathan swore a few times and yelled something at her, and then she was on the floor on top of all that broken glass. A small piece of it dug into her back, and she could have sworn that she felt blood trickling down her skin. She looked up at him, her eyes wide with panic and fear, begging him to just leave her alone, but that wasn't the case. His eyes were shining with anger, and he kicked her in the side as hard as he could. She curled into a ball and gasped in pain as she lightly touched her side. It hurt badly, worse than anything she had ever experienced. There were some kinds of pain that she liked, but this was not one of them.

"Don't ever disrespect me again!" Nathan yelled at her before walking out of the room and slamming the door behind him.

Jade lay in silence for a few seconds, and then she heard her phone vibrating on the floor somewhere close by. She looked up and saw Beck's name flashing on the screen just a few inches away from her fingers. She shifted and tried to reach it, but a pain shot up her body, and she lay still again. The only thing that she could do was watch his name flash across the screen every few minutes until she had twenty missed calls from him. Maybe he _did_ actually care…

…..

It wasn't easy getting up. When she finally managed to, she was crouched over holding her side, which she was pretty sure held a few broken bones from the impact of the kick. She returned Beck's calls, trying to sound like everything was completely fine, but she could tell by the way that he was talking that he didn't believe a word that she said.

She had to take herself to the hospital after her mom and Nathan and all of their friends were passed out, which wasn't an easy job. But she was tough, and she could withstand the pain just a little bit longer. It turned out that she only had one broken rib, and when the doctors asked what had happened to her, she had to lie and say that she fell.

She stayed at home for an entire week, refusing to get out of bed and go to school because she was still in pain, physically and emotionally. The play was supposed to be performed that weekend, but what did it matter? She wasn't anything special to them, and they could do the show without her. Beck called every day to check up on her and tell her about all the work that she was missing, but she didn't really care about all of that. Well, except for the assignment that she was missing in Sikowitz's class. They had to perform a scene from their favorite musical, and Beck didn't even need to ask because he knew that Jade would want to do something from _Sweeney Todd_.

When she returned to school the next Monday, she walked in to find a large group of girls standing in the middle of the hallway giggling and acting idiotic. Beck was in the middle of them looking particularly happy, and Jade pushed her way through all the girls to get to him. They all scattered when they realized that she was there.

"Is this what you do when I'm not here?" she asked, her hands on her hips and anger shining in her eyes.

"No, they just came by to see the dog," Beck replied.

Jade looked confused for a second, and then she noticed that Beck was indeed carrying the rat that he had brought home a few days ago. "Why do you have that thing at school?"

"It's for Robbie," Beck answered as he pet the dog. "He came over yesterday and saw it, and he thought that it would help him pick up girls. You know, because girls love dogs."

"So he's going to carry a dog around at school? Why would he-" She had lots of questions to ask about this, but then she realized that she didn't really care. "Whatever. Let's just go to class." She grabbed his hand and started to walk in the direction of their first period class, but she stopped when she saw Tori heading their way.

"Hey, Jade. Did you have a nice weekend?" she asked in a falsely sweet voice. "Because I was on stage where I was supposed to be while you were sitting at home doing nothing."

"I can't dance with a broken rib, Vega," Jade said, her voice razor-sharp. "The show went on, didn't it? You didn't need me." She tried to walk around Tori, but Tori side-stepped as well.

"How did you break your rib?"

"I fell. Now get out of my way." Once again, Jade tried to walk around Tori, but something in the other corridor caught her eye. A group of people were surrounding the notice board and signing their names down for something. Tori seemed intrigued by this too, because she walked over to the crowd like she completely forgot her conversation with Jade.

"What's going on?" Beck asked, looking at Jade with curiosity.

She shrugged and stood on the sidelines until the crowd died down, and then she made her way to the notice board to see a post that was about the end-of-semester show that the school always did. The students got to choose what they wanted to do in the show, as long as it was appropriate, and they auditioned to see if they if they got a segment in the show. It usually wasn't that big of a deal, but the notice board also had it posted that college recruiters and casting directors were coming to the show.

"Oh, there's one more spot left," Jade said as she signed her name. Just above her name was Tori's, but she ignored that and focused on herself. She had to choose something that would catch the recruiters' attention, something that could make her really stand out from all the rest.

"Just one spot? I kind of wanted to do something too," Beck said. "I mean, Juilliard recruiters could be here…"

Jade frowned and then drew a line under hers, and she signed his name. "There, they'll just have to extend the show a few minutes. Because we're both talented, attractive people, probably the best the school has to offer, and we're both performing." She smiled a little as she turned to walk toward her first class again, but she was almost knocked over when Robbie came flying by.

"Thanks, Beck," he said breathlessly, taking the rat and putting it in a bag that looked a lot like a man purse. "Girls are gonna love me after they see this thing."

"No problem. Just be sure to get it back by the end of the day because Jade loves her too much, and she'll miss her." He smiled at Jade, and she looked like she was ready to punch him.

"Wow, Jade likes it? This dog must be powerful," Robbie said as he scurried away and disappeared around the corner.

"You can keep the dog! I hate it!" Jade yelled after him, but there was no response. "I hate you," she said to Beck as she walked away from him.

Beck smiled again. "Love you too."

**Anybody have an idea for a song that Jade can sing in the show? Because I'm clueless. Leave your ideas. They'll be greatly appreciated. (:**


End file.
